Guest Post: The Five Gears

A Guest Post from BADIHAF reader, leadership expert, and writer Ivan Abreu Luciano

One quick note before we get into today’s guest post.

Years ago, my mother wrote a children’s book about the plight of the middle child (and, my mother being my mother, she included plenty of instruction on literary devices and rules). Anyway, recently, my father found the original draft of the book, which was illustrated by my cousin, the artist John W. Fesken. He decided to publish it. It’s available on Amazon now.

It’s called The Man in the Middle and I hope you’ll consider buying a copy, especially if you have (or are) that middle child. In keeping with my mother’s eternally giving nature, all proceeds from sales will go straight to St. Jude’s Children’s Hospital.

Recently, Ivan Abreu Luciano, a regular BADIHAF reader, commented on one of my posts, outlining a structure he uses in his family to shift into a series of mindsets for the different situations we all encounter throughout the day. Reading the comment, I thought that our other readers might find some resonance in Ivan’s Five Gears, especially as they relate to his role as a father, and so I asked him if he’d be interested in exploring and explaining it a bit further as a guest post. Ivan is an Airman Leadership School Instructor for the U.S. Air Force and Founder of The Better Place, through which he helps new leaders find their voice at work and at home, while juggling husbandhood and fatherhood by night.

Guest posts are something I’ve been hoping to experiment with a bit this year and I’m thrilled that Ivan agreed to do the first one.

You can and absolutely should check out his Substack The Better Place, which explores and encourages leadership.

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After fourteen years of active-duty service, I finally feel like I’m starting to grasp this whole work-life balance thing. It’s not really about splitting our time in half between work life and home life, it’s about being in the moment when we’re supposed to be in the moment.

No sense in sleeping while sitting in an arena watching two teams go at it, right? The whole point of being there is to enjoy the game. To watch it live. To enjoy the feeling. To embrace the atmosphere.

So why is it that in our lives we can’t seem to be present when we need to be?

Because we’re in the wrong gear. 

Just like a transmission we have to shift up and down through gears so we don’t burnout. This burnout causes us to not be present when we need to be. If a transmission jumps radically between gears or slips gears then it could become damaged or blow, and that’s exactly what’ll happen with us.

Every-time I teach a workshop I notice how much in the red and unhealthy we are as people. The term “work/life balance” has been a buzz-term for years but what does it actually mean?

Enter The 5 Gears.

5th Gear: Focus mode

This gear is used for focused work with no distractions. This gear is reserved for focused work.

4th Gear: Task mode

This is the “to-do” gear that’s full is lists. Pay bills, buy toilet paper, etc. Most of us wake up and go straight into this gear—we pick up our phones and start running around all day.

3rd gear: Social mode

This gear is for moments when we need to do some small talk. 

2nd gear: Connect mode

This one is when we need to get deeper and more connected with someone. 

1st gear: Recharge mode

This one should be easy to identify! It’s the one we use to charge batteries! Exercise, sleep, reading, etc. 

Reverse: Responsive mode

This is a tough one to explain without creating a whole post on its own. I can sum it up in one question. How easy is it for you to apologize? Developing the ability to apologize when we mess up is important for maintaining relationships. In big and small things taking accountability is so important. 

And that’s it! The five gears! But what now?

How do we stop ourselves from forgetting what we learned here and apply it? 

Here’s how I use the 5 gears in my life.

Gear 1: In the morning, I avoid picking up the phone first. If I pick up the phones there’s usually messages, emails, notifications and all of that stuff is trying to put me straight into task mode (gear 4). The recharge gear is a great way to start the day. Sometimes it’s about a small journaling session or reading a few pages of a book. Gear one is the best way to start the day. Sometimes it’s about recharging at the end of the day or at the end of the week. I usually every Tuesday or every other Tuesday (depending on what’s going on) I head over to AMC (stubs-list rocks) and what a movie by myself or with a friend.

Gear 2: If it’s a weekend, this is when my wife, son and I connect through breakfast—we cook together, plan the day if we haven’t already, or hang out playing games, painting or doing random stuff. This is usually a good gear to be in when my wife and I are waking up and chatting about the things we have to do or milestones we need to hit or just checking in on each other. Are we hitting markers? Is there something one of us needs from the other? Sometimes it means I’m talking to my son about the topics roaming around his head the night before.

Gear 3: This gear is the one I shift into when it’s time for the morning meeting at work. “Hey, how was the weekend? Did you catch the game? How’s the family?” All that small talk that gets the juices flowing.

Gear 4: This gear is best for jumping into tasks. After the morning meeting I usually start working tasks and sending email, calling people, etc. If it’s a day when I’m teaching I might prep, or go to the classroom and connect (gear 3) with my students before shifting with them into gear 4.

Gear 5: This gear is reserved for this every important projects or milestone that just need absolutely attention. When I’m writing a script, writing papers for school, budgeting, or putting together a Substack post, I’m usually in this gear. This gear is designed for NO DISTRACTIONS. This is the state of flow, as they say. 

The day is compromised of shifting up and down as needed.

Lunch? Gear 3 to connect with coworkers.

Phone call from the wife? Could be a 2nd gear conversation.

Get it?

Ok, here’s the bigger secret. I taught this idea to my wife and now we cue each other when we need each other in a certain gear.

She might say, “Hey, I need to get into gear 4 to clean the house can you go do some daddy and son stuff.”

I might say to her, “Hey, I’ve had a tough week and need some gear 1 time” or “gear 5 time to focus on a project.”

Or we all might say, “It’s movie day, time to shift into gear 2!”

The gears shine because we are speaking the same language. We understand each other’s expectations and we give each other the time we need to be present and productive with each other and on our own. The sense of balance returns into our lives.

You can do this at work too.

Put up the number five on your office door if you need to focus and not be disturbed. If you lead a team, you can tell everyone to shift into gear four as you start a meeting to get everyone on the same page—it’s time to get some tasks done!

It’s the common language there too. 

This is how we slowly start to transform the cultures in our homes and at work into places that help us be present and productive. So, this work/life balance conversation, becomes a thing of the past because…you know…we’re in the right gear at the right time.