Vol. 142 - What Happens When We Die?
On doing my best to answer the big questions
He didn’t quite phrase it like that on our morning drive out to one of his summer camps. But the subtext was clear: my seven-year-old son is finally thinking about mortality.
Rather than the typical “what happens when we die,” my son’s was a question of reincarnation, as he wondered whether or not this was the only shot at life he’d ever have.
I explained Buddhism to him, to the best of my knowledge, of course, and laid out the concept of Nirvana. Similarly, I said, Hinduism relies on a similar belief of life, death, and rebirth, all hopefully leading to a oneness with the universe. Though, I explained, I wasn’t sure enough of the differences between the two to adequately explain them.
He asked what I believed and I did my best to lay out for him my belief that all living things are part of the same universal cloth, that we come from the same place, that we exist in the same place, and that we’re headed for the same place. And therefore, we all deserve the same amount of love, compassion, and freedom to pursue our happiness. I told him I believe a person is no different than an earthworm or a common housefly and that this is why I do my best to avoid killing anything I may find in our around our home (roaches, of course, can fuck all the way off).
I did my best to explain the drop-of-water concept, made famous in the west by Zen Buddhist Shunryu Suzuki (and also by the latest season of The White Lotus). I told my son that each life is like a drop of water separated from a crashing wave. Independent from the wave, the drop climbs higher and higher, eventually hitting its zenith, before it falls back down, eventually falling into, and thus becoming, the thing it once was.
I explained how no one really knows what happens after death and how, as it’s humankind’s biggest question, it informs nearly everything we do. I explained how the world is full of different beliefs and religions, most of which try to answer that question. I explained Christianity and their ideas of eternal life (leaving out the part about damnation). I explained Abrahamic religions and how three such seemingly different faiths are actually much more connected that we often acknowledge.
I stopped short of explaining the people who believe that death just means eternal lights out. Why scare the boy?
After fifteen or twenty minutes or who knows how long of ranting, I looked in the rearview mirror and saw my curious little boy gazing out the window, no doubt absorbing and contemplating all of the heady concepts his wise old man just dropped on him.
“What’s going through your mind, pal?” I asked.
“Can we stop at Bojangles?” he said. “I’m hungry.”
Love this! Fatherhood in a nutshell!
This what being a parent is all about. Especially the last sentence. 😂
The second half of my childhood I was thrusted into an Evangelical church. It was miserable. I was taught that until you were a Christian - no, let me be more exact...an Evangelical Christian, preferably from our specific church - God may have pity on you, but your life is worth much more than the aforementioned cockroach.
Once my brain was fully formed I realized it was all bullshit. From then on I only had to reshape my ideology, while mucking through the PTSD.
I ask the same questions your son does. Still.
At one point I went to an Episcopal church that was very liberal. The priest didn't believe in any miracles. No heaven, no hell, no rising from the dead on Easter. He said the Bible was written at a time when morals were taught via storytelling.
One concept I've always remembered is that without a literal Heaven to go to what the Bible is actually telling us that if you love your fellow living thing you are actually creating a "Heaven" on earth. In other words, the time is now.
That concept is so rich and it has guided me ever since. As you said, nobody truly knows what happens after we die but instead of doing good deeds for the selfish reason of an afterlife with golden streets (that would burn the shit out of your feet) how about we work together to make THIS world as much like Heaven as we can.
When said this all much more succinctly in this part that jumped off the page for me, "all living things are part of the same universal cloth, that we come from the same place, that we exist in the same place, and that we’re headed for the same place. And therefore, we all deserve the same amount of love, compassion, and freedom to pursue our happiness."
So great. Also, I know for a fact your son heard this all. It's just at that age he doesn't know the humans expect a response to EVERYTHING.
Thanks.