Vol. 21 - I Was Looking for a Job then I Found a Job

And heaven knows I'm miserable now

Some of you may not get that reference. If that means you, trust me, I’m not miserable. Quite the opposite, in fact. Anyway…

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On Friday, I ended the shortest professional tenure I've ever had (and yes, that includes working on rock ‘n’ roll tours). On the final day of what I was told was a purely ceremonial “trial month” as a staff writer for a Southern culture magazine and website that I regard quite highly, I was told that things just weren't working out.

It’s cool. The feeling was very, very much mutual.

Right from the jump, it was clear ours was not a good fit, as there was a great chasm between the things we recognize as storyworthy. I won't get into details and I really appreciate the opportunity.

Which brings me to the point of this week’s rambling.

Your job doesn't define who you are for your kids. Who you are defines who you are. And for a few brief weeks, I forgot that.

When I set out my goals for this year (something I usually do, loosely, of course), getting a job as a staff writer was one of the first items on my list.

A staff job means a few things:

Steady income.

Health insurance.

No more stressing about having to find a new job each and every week.

Actual weekends, holidays, and paid time off.

It also meant that I would be beholden to someone else; a boss, to be sure.

I haven’t had a boss since I left my job at the Beggars Group and Matador Records seven years ago (!?) and in the time since, I’ve grown very accustomed to not having to answer to anyone but Emily and my two children.

I come and go as I please. I work when I want, I don’t work when I don’t want. I don’t have to play the charade that is the eight-hour workday and can fuck off when I finish my day’s work before 10am, which, given my nature as an extreme morning person, I often do.

It also means that I can be around for my son as often as I please.

Because for him, steady income, PTO, and health insurance are words that don’t mean anything. And they’re words that won’t mean anything to him for a long time.

But his dad dropping him off and picking him up every day at school does mean something. His dad being able to take an entire week off (sure, at the expense of his bank account) without having to sacrifice PTO later in the year does mean something. His dad taking him to ride bikes every afternoon does mean something. His dad being around as much as possible (sure, at the expense of his bank account) does mean something.

Of course, my goal is still to find a staff job.

Because freelancing is a 24/7 job, even if the work is all happening in my mind or time spent waiting for edits or crafting the best possible pitch or waiting to get paid or deciding if I have actually made enough money in a certain month to knock off for a few days.

But that brief month when I was charged with answering to someone other than my wife and kids really helped recalibrate my perspective. It served to remind me that I can never measure my success by what I do, especially as it pertains to my job as a husband and a father. It served to remind me that only the job I do as a husband and father can do that.

Maybe that job not working out was the best possible thing that could have happened.