Vol. 37 - All Their Little Preferences

On learning new things about your kids

The scene played out like so many others when a four-and-a-half year old is involved. My son was inconsolable, I was stupefied. What had I done wrong? I had no idea and he was too broken up to tell me, the sobs overwhelming anything that might resemble words.

I immediately began retracing my steps in my head. We had just woken up. I quietly carried my son into the kitchen, tip-toeing past the baby’s room and hoping to give Emily a few extra minutes of sleep. I placed him on our countertop, where he likes to sit and help cook, and popped a few waffles in the toaster oven. A few minutes later, when the waffles were perfectly toasted and golden-brown, I began to spread butter across them. Three for him, one for me. I asked him to pass me the honey, which he did with a big smile and I began to pour a thin stream across the plate, playing our little game where we try and get a bit of honey into each and every square.

Waffles with butter and honey I thought. His favorite breakfast.

So why the hell was he sobbing!?

The crying had apparently proved too loud to keep anyone asleep, and soon Emily was shuffling into the kitchen with the baby, all four of their eyes half closed.

Em took one look at the situation and diagnosed the problem.

“He likes to lick the waffles before you put the honey on them,” she said, her voice rough and grumbling as she slowly emerged from sleep.

I apologized to my son, who was still crying, and asked if he’d like me to make another round of waffles so he could, as is his apparent tradition, give them a lick before any honey was applied.

Maybe not “crisis averted” but crisis certainly stunted, thanks to the addition of a tiny bit of knowledge I lacked.

I love learning shit about my kids secondhand. I love it when Emily tells me there’s some little tick of theirs that she’s discovered or a preference they’ve developed. It’s almost like a secret society that I need to gain entrance into.

It’s not one anyone is intentionally kept from. Rather, it’s just those tiny moments that only Emily and our children may share, ones that I’m not yet privy to, where these things are revealed. And on the other side of the coin, I’m sure there are plenty of little ticks, tricks, and preferences that only I know about.

Like how our son likes to ride bikes side-by-side whenever possible rather than in a straight line. Or how he prefers to swim on his back rather than his stomach. It’s no coincidence that these seem like little secrets he only shares with me because, more often than not, I’m the parent riding and swimming with him.

And someday soon, Emily will be riding with him and she might pull ahead too far or let him take the lead and he’ll let out a scream and she’ll have to figure out why he’s upset. And then, some time later, she’ll return to the truck where I’ll be waiting with the baby, asking if I knew he liked riding side-by-side so much.

And I’ll smile and nod, as if it were our little secret.